For much of my life, I tied my worth to pleasing others. Helping and being needed became the only way I felt acceptable, even while I silently battled feelings of inadequacy. In The Need to Please, I give voice to that struggle, and in Finding My Worth Despite My Past, I reflect on the roots of my people-pleasing tendencies and the journey toward reclaiming my sense of self with compassion.

The Need to Please

Caught in a cycle
of needing to please
my own desires
left unappeased.

Supporting others
I justified my worth
seeking validation
through selfless work.

I suffered from
low self-esteem
it was only when giving
that I felt redeemed.

But the ache inside
burned like a flame
a deep longing
I couldn’t name.

Finding My Worth Despite My Past

I remember being in primary school when the teacher said, “What do your parents do? Tell us about your family.” Listening to the other students talk about their families, I became acutely aware that their lives were different from mine.

I remember it like it was yesterday: the cold chill that ran through my body, the tears I swallowed, and the butterflies in my stomach. From that day, the gulf between me, the other students, and the world grew suffocatingly wide. The double life of my childhood left me feeling inadequate, leading to conclusions like, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not like other people,” and “I don’t fit in.”

Over time, I grew into a self-conscious, insecure people-pleaser, always prioritizing others’ needs over my own. Writing The Need to Please helped me see that I had been conditioned from childhood to be endlessly available to others. I also had to face the reality that my sense of self was deeply compromised. Despite my determination to live differently, I still carried the patterns of my past.

Reflecting on what my spiritual teacher once explained, I realized that seeking acceptance and belonging is a universal human desire. He used to say, “If I had been raised in the same household, had the same experiences, and my mind worked the same way yours does—if all the variables were the same—I would think, feel, and behave in exactly the same way you do.” Swamiji’s compassion made me feel seen, understood, and comforted.

As survivors, we often judge ourselves harshly for how we think, feel, and act. But childhood abuse leaves deep and lasting imprints. Avoiding self-judgment and embracing compassion isn’t just helpful—it’s essential to healing.

Despite your story, you deserve your own understanding, kindness, and compassion. Embrace your journey with gentleness.